|Photo by I am marlon (CC)|
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A devious tendency
A recent conversation with a friend, though, has reminded me of a period of my life when latent tensions, cumulated stress and a slight impatience poured out beyond the level of consciousness, under the shape of losses of temper rarely experienced before. It is well known then that a beer too many on a Saturday night can amplify moods that are already smoldering on the bottom of our soul, pushing up to the surface what we normally manage to hold in - at least partially. And that's how liveliness, sense of humor, fun and friendliness, in that period were replaced by a dark side of myself that I had always ignored. By the way intoxication was only an aggravating circumstance, not the cause of this devious tendency. It could have happened in broad daylight, on a weekday, when I was completely sober.
I seemed to have lost - at least in part - my capacity to not give a damn in case someone happened to treat me like an ornament, bumping into me and just shoving me apart with an arrogant air. Or if a bully was provoking me with a sharp remark, or yet again if a guy was addressing me in a rude way me without a good reason.
Fortunately that time is gone and has never come back. At the end it was just an anomalous year. I returned to being my old self; actually, owing to a new discovery, I've acquired a different attitude towards my own personality: those suspicions about cowardice that I used to have when my pride failed to be inflamed by a gratuitous attack are nothing in comparison with the certainty that I behaved like an idiot when I actually reacted to provocations.It's not important, it's not even that much but, if one can content himself with it, it's still a good step ahead.