South East Asia disgust test

Thinking of going to South East Asia for an adventurous, fun or relaxing trip? If you are not prepared to face the following scenes it is better for you to change plans before it is too late. Well maybe the aseptic Singapore can be fine, but just that one...

Angels my ass - Angeles, Philipines

If you ever happen to land at Angeles, Pampanga province, Luzon island, Philipines, don't let the name mislead you. You might think you've arrived to some garden in Paradise, but it actually is a rat hole full of prostitutes. I got the first hints when, asking about the rooms fares, at every hotel I was asked back: 'one or three hours, Sir?'
Angels my ass...

Iceberg - Boracay, Philippines

I've just ordered a pizza with vegetables. I was expecting grilled eggplant, peppers, tomatoes. Nothing like that. They brought me one with lettuce on top. It's Iceberg, the tasteless leaves you find in Big Macs as well. I can't even complain: technically they are right. Had I done it they could have removed the mozzarella cheese as well.

OOO SOOOOLEEE MIOOOO...

It's something I do everyday: I open the Corriere della Sera website, to find out what's going on back home. I read the first ten news and I learn that a few more people have just been arrested: the general manager of Milan Expo 2015, a former ministry of the Republic and the current president of the Italian basketball league. I close the Web page, I place a hand on my chest, the other on my crotch and, under the bewildered looks of the nice Filipinos, i start to sing OOO SOOOOLEEE MIOOOO...

Sunsets - Boracay, Philippines

It's my second time in Boracay. It is still a great place: a little tropical island with white sand bays and cristal clear water. However, I have to admit that since the last time I was here things have change a little, and not for the better, unfortunately. There are more people, lots of package tours and silly attractions, less control, more trash and noise. 
We also heard some worrisome stories: big industrial groups are apparently planning to enlarge Caticlan airport in order to allow more and more tourists to reach the island, to buy land and build new resorts and residential compounds all over the place, even to build a bridge connecting Boracay with Panai island. 
I am afraid that in a few years they will have fucked it up.
There is one thing they will not manage to ruin: those beautiful sunsets on the main beach. 
I've seen a lot of great ones, in Asia and elsewhere, yet these ones, if you watch them at the right place and time, are really hard to match.

Dancing traffic police - Bacolod, Philippines

I've never needed a reason to pack up my bags and start traveling. I've been "on the road" for years, many years, almost without interruption. There are moments though, moments when I get off a run down truck, at an unremarkable crossroads, surrounded by buildings made of stained concrete, smeared glass, rusty metal, and torn plastic canvas, whose old colors have been faded by the blows of the tropical sun. I get off the truck then, I turn around, I see something weird, amusing, surprising and I say damn carrying around backpacks, clothes, electronic devices and a guitar that I can't even play to end up in this world's asshole and enjoy the show that is unfolding in front of me was definitely worth it!
I'm standing at one of those crossroads right now, in downtown Bacolod, a city in the island of Negros, in the heart of the Philippines archipelago, and I'm watching open mouthed the performance of a policeman that is directing traffic with a mix of Michael Jackson's moonwalk, Tony Manero's hip moves and Nureyev elegant steps. Hilarious. A situation whose surreal angle I seem to be the only one to notice. 

I took a few videos, here they are:

Funny signs/10

I often come across some funny signs, billboards, notices and labels. When it happens I always make sure that I don't leave the spot without a photo. I'll post them here a few at a time.

Caution! - Koh Samui, Thailand

Thanks a lot, it's so kind of you - Shanghai Pudong airport, China

Why??? - Suzhou, China

Funny folks - Boracay, Philippines

Alright, you can't say we didn't warn you.
Now it's not our problem anymore...

BOOM! There was a loud explosion somewhere in Boracay Main Road. I think the blast came from the top of the building in front of me. Some people scream, then they relax and someone even starts to giggle. I ask a lady who is standing beside me what that was about. She answers something that I can't quite understand. Run...done...bun...something of the sort. It doesn't make sense though, what does that mean? Hold on a second...no! It can't be. I ask again. She answers with calm, almost bored: "Someone shot a gun." What??? A GUN!!! And then she also starts laughing while she's talking about it with a storekeeper. 
This guys are fantastic. After all I should have already guessed that last year here.

Summary justice - Bangkok, Thailand

The year 2013 was indifferently fading away while I was standing petrified, watching a mob publicly lynching someone who got caught stealing a shirt, or something like that. While he was lying unconscious on the road, perhaps already dead, someone used his heel to smash his skull on the asphalt a couple of more times. He raised his knee high and used all the strength he was capable of. The guy's head rolled on the ground in a peculiar way, like a coconut being hit by a machete. Then two cops arrived, checked his pulse, couldn't make much of that, handcuffed him and took him away. Yes, they really handcuffed him: after all a thief is always a thief, even if he seems to be dead. As for the executioners, they proudly walked away. Obviously unpunished.