A bit of satire


I read about police crackdowns following which some citizens, not for having been caught driving under the influence of cannabis, but rather for being found in possession of modest amounts of the substance, have been reported as consumers. Well done! There was really a need for a nice crackdown on these JUNKIES!
"But it's a soft drug..." these fucking differently toxic whiners keep repeating! Soft my ass! Everyone knows that if you take a puff of a joint you're doomed, your future is written, or rather injected, dropped, sniffed, toward the disaster of drug addiction. It's well known that whoever plunges into the abyss of hard drugs was condemned by that puff of a joint, and not by the liters of wine, beer, and spritz they drank until then.
Alcohol is part of our tradition. It is good, nutritious, and wholesome like everything belonging to our culinary range: sausages, tiramisu, or four-cheese pasta, for example. Okay, maybe these dishes aren't exactly super healthy, but you get what I mean. Wine and grappa we know them, they are our old-time friends, how can they hurt us? Liver damage? Pfft, if anything alcohol fortifies the liver! Cancer? Oh come on, it's wine, not asbestos!
Marijuana, on the other hand, is a recent intruder, like hummus, green tea, or spirulina which, as we know, not being part of our tradition, definitely do harm! Because everything we do is noble, and what comes from outside is absolute evil. It's well known that cultures progress best when they are isolated and impermeable, not when they cooperate, interpenetrate, and integrate. Tomatoes, potatoes, and bell peppers should thank the expiration of the crime of illegal immigration, otherwise even those non-EU vegetables would end up the way they deserve!
And besides, what were these clueless folks thinking when they walked around with half a gram of indica in their pocket? Stuff that merits life in prison, or rather an asylum! Risking their criminal record for half a joint when they could be chilling safely and protected by the law - enlightened, just, and magnanimous, praised be it always - sipping shots of scotch in a cellar crammed with enough whiskey to quench the thirst of a regiment of Scottish tipplers? SUCKERS!
Not to mention the effects. Can you compare a group of individuals passing a fatty around, with a dopey smile stamped on their vicious faces, as they blabber helplessly while listening to music, thinking autonomously within the confines of their own minds, to a nice gang of cheerfully obnoxious and virulently quarrelsome drunkards watching a soccer match on TV with foam at the mouth?
And the next-day conditions, do we want to talk about them? Those emotions that alcohol gives you - broken sleep, a pounding head, dehydration, internal cramps - with THC or CBD you can forget about them! Yet they sure don't give you a discount for the incomplete package. Clever them!
Then they come and tell me that in some states cannabis is even used to manage the symptoms of psychiatric, neurological, or other conditions. But who do they take us for? Using plants or extracts to cure diseases? Since when? hahaha
Forget about it guys, cannabis is a scam, what it promises is too good to be legal.
No, wait, I meant... too good to be true.

This post was machine-translated from Italian.

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