Between profane psychology and practical philosophy

When we've had an argument with someone, we usually tend to dismiss the whole thing with a verdict: "Oh, come on, it's all their fault, it's obvious!" Never mind that, of course, the other person is thinking exactly the same thing about us.

The problem is that sooner or later our subconscious, after chewing on the matter behind the scenes, steps out into the open and says: "Yes, but I could have answered differently, too, or avoided saying that thing, or tried to find some middle ground." This realization arrives out of nowhere, well after the fact, when we hadn't consciously thought about it in a long while. And it hits us hard and leaves us reeling.

I've come to the conclusion that it's better to do exactly the opposite of what our instinct suggests. The very moment we've written the matter off in our own heads, blaming the other person unconditionally, it's better to add: "Yes, okay, their faults are clear, no need to go over them again, but now look for some cracks in YOUR behavior, too." And before you know it, you find two or three situations you didn't handle as well as you could have.

At that point, it becomes possible to seek a reconciliation. Or at least to avoid catching the subconscious's uppercut a few weeks later.

Drafted from Italian with Blog Translator, then revised by me.