Between profane psychology and practical philosophy


When we've had a disagreement with someone, we usually tend to write the matter off by declaring: "Oh, it's entirely their fault, come on, that's obvious!" Without taking into account the fact that, naturally, that's also what the other person thinks of us.
The problem is that sooner or later our subconscious, after ruminating on the issue behind the scenes, comes out into the open and tells us: "Yes, but actually, I could have given a different answer too, or avoided saying that thing, or looked for some common ground." This realization arrives suddenly, long after the events, when we haven't thought about it explicitly for ages. And it hits us in a dazing way.
I have come to the conclusion that it is better to do the exact opposite of what our instinct suggests. At the very moment when we have written off the matter internally, blaming the other person unconditionally, it's better to add: "Yes, okay, their faults are clear, there's no need to harp on them, but now try to find some flaws in YOUR behavior as well." And in no time at all, you immediately find two or three circumstances that you didn't handle in the best way.
At that point, it is possible to seek a reconciliation. Or at least avoid taking a right hook to the jaw from the subconscious a few weeks later.

This post was machine-translated from Italian.

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